THINGS MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME
1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."
2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."
3. My father taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"
4. My father taught me...
Scenario: Jack pulls into school parking lot with rifle in gun rack.
1973: Vice Principal comes over, takes a look at Jack's rifle, goes to his car and gets his to show Jack.
2016: School goes into lockdown, FBI called, Jack hauled off to jail and never sees his truck or gun again. Counselors called in for traumatized students and teachers.
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Scenario: Johnny and Mark get into a fist fight after school.
1973: Crowd gathers. Mark wins. Johnny and Mark shake hands and end up best friends. Nobody goes to jail, nobody arrested, nobody expelled...
Apolitical Aphorisms
If God wanted us to vote, he would have
given us candidates.
~Jay Leno~
The problem with political jokes is they
get elected.
~Henry
Cate, VII~
We hang the petty thieves
and appoint the great ones to public office.
~Aesop~
If we got one-tenth of what was promised
to us in these State of the Union speeches, there wouldn't be any inducement
to go to heaven.
~Will Rogers~
Politicians are the same all over. They
promise...
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Retirement Options 1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away from your house because you found shade. |
1. The first recorded use of toilet paper was in 6th Century China.
2. By the 14th Century, the Chinese government was mass-producing it.
3. Packaged toilet paper wasn’t sold in the United States until 1857.
4. Joseph Gayetty, the man who introduced packaged TP to the U.S., had his name printed on every sheet.
5. Global toilet paper demand uses...
Here is an easy, CHEAP recipe for window cleaner. I have a lot of windows, and my cleaning lady likes it better than Windex!!
1/2 cup ammonia
1 pint isopropyl alcohol
1 teaspoon joy
fill container with one gallon water.
A soldier comes home after 6 months--his dog is thrilled
This is a tear jerker if you have ever had a child in the military; Semper Fi
If I lived near a Food City store,
they would get my business.
A 4th of July Food City commercial
Grab a Kleeenex
(Thanks contributer Don)
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