How to Wash the Cat
1. Thoroughly clean the toilet (this step is optional, as you'll see later).
2. Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet water, and have both lids lifted .
3. Obtain the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.
4. In one smooth...
If you are right handed, you will tend to chew your food on the right side of your mouth.
If you are left handed, you will tend to chew your food on the left side of your mouth.
To make half a kilo of honey, bees must collect nectar from over 2 million individual flowers.
Heroin is the brand name of morphine once marketed by 'Bayer'.
Tourists visiting Iceland should know that tipping at a restaurant is considered an insult!
People in nudist colonies play volleyball more than any other sport .
Albert Einstein was offered the presidency of Israel in 1952, but he declined.
Astronauts can't belch - there is no gravity to...
You Think English Is Easy??
I think a retired English teacher was bored.
THIS IS GREAT!
Read all the way to the end..........
This took a lot of work to put together!
1)...
People move onto the highway at 15 miles an hour.
You have absolutely no recognizable accent.
If the humidity gets above 25%, you consider it "muggy".
You only go to Central City when friends are in from out of town.
You have been skiing less than 10 times in your life
You think 5-points is a ghetto.
You are the third car to run a red light after it has changed.
You say things like "I don't care how big Golden is, it's still a one-horse town".
You think only stupid people get lost in your town.
When giving directions, you never say "Turn left, turn right", it's always go West, then South.
During a thunderstorm you wonder "which I-25 underpass is flooding".
You never plan a picnic between 3:30 and...
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Dough Boy Gone
Sad News.....
Please join me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment community.
The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and trauma
complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71.
Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin.
Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs.
Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins...
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Subject: A PIN DROP At a time when our president and other politicians tend to apologize for our country's prior actions, here's a refresher on how some of our former patriots handled negative comments about our country. |
25 Great Truths
1. In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm and three or more is a congress.
-- John Adams
2. If you don't read the newspaper you are uninformed, if you do read the newspaper you are misinformed.
-- Mark Twain
3. Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress.
But then I repeat myself.
-- Mark Twain
4. I contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle....
All you Need to Know about Government Bureaucracy:
** Pythagorean theorem: ....................................................24 words.
** Lord's Prayer: .................................................................66 words.
** Archimedes' Principle: ....................................................67 words.
** 10 Commandments: .......................................................179 words.
** Gettysburg address: ........................................................286 words.
** Declaration of...
The Doctor told me, I should start an exercise program. Not wanting to
harm this old body, I've devised the following:
Monday
Beat around the bush
Jump to conclusions
Climb the walls
Wade through the morning paper
Tuesday
Drag my heels
Push my luck
Make mountains out of mole hills
Hit the nail on the head
Wednesday
Bend over backwards
Jump on the Band Wagon
Run around in circles
Thursday
Advise the President on how to run the country
Toot my own horn
Pull out all the stops
Add fuel to the fire
Friday
Open a can of worms
Put my foot...
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